NB’s story: There is light at the end of the tunnel

Finding Centrepoint

NB, 23, spent much of her teenage years in the care system and as she began to age out of the support, she moved in with her boyfriend. After moving in, she became pregnant and gave birth to their first child, something that she was excited by.

“I was in care when I was 14 or 15 and I’ve always had social service involved. But I came to Centrepoint because I used to live with my ex, who is my kid’s father.” 

However, the home soon became an unstable and unsafe environment for both NB and her new-born child, due to the substance and alcohol misuse, domestic violence and coercive control that her boyfriend was exhibiting and NB made the difficult decision to leave the home.  

After having to move out of her home, she stayed in a hotel close to her friends for a while. As she had been in the care system, her care leaver’s team and social services, who she had been supported by for many years, became aware of her living situation. They assessed that her living in the hotel with her child wasn’t suitable for the long term and made a referral on her behalf to one of Centrepoint’s mother and baby supported homes.

“But he used to drink a lot and then there was a violent incident. I left and went to stay with friends for a bit and then I told my social workers. From there I came here, and I’ve been in and out of here.”

Facing health concerns

NB was originally moved into a Centrepoint mother and baby home, where she met Verona and Lana, who became her key workers and a consistent source of support for her. During the three years she has lived with Centrepoint, NB has moved between a few different supported homes, due to her and her child’s needs. Throughout the moves, it was important for her to have the familiar faces of her key workers as people could confide in and be supported by throughout her journey. 

Whilst living at one of the supported homes, NB took her child to hospital after they had contracted the flu. After caring for her child, NB fell seriously ill with severe chest infections, putting her in a critical condition. She was not getting enough oxygen to her brain whilst she was unwell, which caused delirium and put a huge strain on her body. Because of her past experiences around her family life, NB felt judged by the doctors at the hospital, and felt they did not give her the respect she deserved – something which added to how unwell she became as she was unable to access the treatment she needed.

“I had two severe chest infections and was at risk of death – I was coughing up blood and not getting enough oxygen to my brain which caused delirium, which was confusing”.

As she was struggling with her physical health during this time, she was unable to take care of her child in the way that she wanted, and a decision was made on her behalf that her child would be moved into foster care whilst she recovered. This was an incredibly challenging decision for NB, as it was completely out of her control. 

“My son was removed from me because I had those chest infections, and they caused confusion, and I was too unwell to look after him properly”.

After her child was moved to foster care, Verona and Lana advocated with NB for her child to live with her again, attending meetings with social workers, communicating with solicitors and being there for scheduled visits to support NB in any way they could. During this time, NB moved to another supported home, but still had Verona and Lana to speak with if she needed support, advice or a listening ear.

Advocating for her children

Whilst advocating to have her child returned to her, NB also worked with Pause, which is a charity aiming to improve the lives of women who have had or are at risk of having their children removed from their care. Collectively they worked together to help her child be placed back with her.

“So, I lived here and then something happened and my kid ended up in foster care. So, they moved me out of here, into another placement and then they moved me again.”

Whilst trying to get her son back in her care, NB began a relationship with her ex-partner and fell pregnant with their second child. After she gave birth, it was decided that NB and her new-born should move into the foster placement together. 

She remembers this being a bit of a change to what she was used to but that by the end of the placement she had developed a close relationship with the family who were supporting her and her children. “I was somewhere else for a bit, which I loved. Actually, at the end, it felt like a little family. We didn’t talk to each other much but slowly we got better at communicating with each other”.

After working closely with solicitors and social services, and with the support of her key workers and Pause, after a few months NB was able to move back to her supported home with both of her children. When she moved back, Verona and Lana were able to support her with setting up the space for the three of them and help her with getting any pieces of furniture or items she might need to make their room feel homely.

Throughout this emotionally difficult time, NB was appreciative to have the support of the team in advocating for her and giving her the help and advice she needed. She knew that they were there for her if she needed, no matter what was going on.

“There was a lot of talking. Verona was always there and when I moved, I stayed connected to them here. She would come and visit and stuff like that. I used to come here and visit, even when I was in foster care with my older child.”

“When Lana is here, we do talk and if I need something for the kids, I know I can tell her. She’s lovely. I guess it feels like having a family in a way. I feel so comfortable around them and can ask them anything. I’m just really comfortable around them.” 

Thinking back on the support that Verona, Lana and the Centrepoint team were able to provide her, NB was grateful that services existed to help young people at risk of homelessness to help them back on their feet. “It’s been a good experience because I didn’t even know that things like this existed, which is good. And they help a lot with my kids and school and stuff.”

Moving forward

With NB settling in well with her two children at her supported home, she has had time to reflect on her journey of coming to and working with Centrepoint. She recognised the impact of her experiences on her mental health and has been supported by the psychotherapist and healthy relationship teams for several months.

She had begun to do her own research to understand how she was feeling and what she might be able to do to support herself. After beginning to understand herself a bit more, together, they were able to help her identify potentially harmful behaviours in relationships and how she can best look after her and her children’s needs. For her, it was a chance to reflect on what she had been through in a safe environment.

“I did do therapy for a bit, well a while actually. With the therapy I got to know myself more. My therapist would ask me questions and then I would find the answers to them.” 

“With AJ, (healthy relationships specialist) I was already reading a book on different attachment styles, and I didn’t think I would be that interested in it, but with doing the relationships thing I learnt a lot. I learnt about red flags and things like that which was good.”

Alongside working with therapeutic teams, NB has also been going to university to get her degree in business management, something that has been important for her to take the next step in her career. Her mum has been able to look after her children on the days she needs to be there in person and this support has meant she has the freedom to be able to take control of her education and get the qualifications she needs.

“I didn’t get my GCSEs, so I feel like I need to get something, some sort of degree. Business and management are a really good one as well because you can open your own online business. Lots of people are doing that these days and it’s really good. Having my degree will give me a lot more opportunities”.

As an aspiring YouTuber and actress, having a good understanding of how to run and manage her own business is something that she knows could be hugely impactful on her future and where she sees her career going. “YouTube’s something that I’ve enjoyed doing since I was like 12 or 13, but I stopped and then started again. It’s something I really like and I’m really creative”.

After living with Centrepoint for a few years and having the space to develop her own independent living skills, she is hoping to begin bidding on her own council property soon. She’s excited by the idea of her and her children having their own space to grow together as a family.

Time for reflection 

Through everything she has been through, NB reflected on her experiences and journey of working with Centrepoint, her mental health and what might happen next. When looking back and seeing where she is now, she has some sound advice for anyone who might be facing similar experiences. 

“I would say there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not always going to be dark. There will be times where you think it will be, because I was in that before I had my kids, and I was in a situation where I just saw no light. I thought life wouldn’t get better but now it’s different.”

When thinking about what brings her joy, the first thing that came to mind for NB were her children, and her journey is a testament to her dedication to look after them. We are so proud of everything that NB has been able to achieve and wish her and her children all the best for their future together!